rainy november morning

you spin an evil web

let's just close our eyes tonight

i said to myself

lying on a half deflated air mattress in a tiny square room

you never came to see where i live.

a fly circles my head i want to scream

if i had energy

the walls are green, i studied the shade today

a muted mossy mint green

i can't look at the filth anymore

i felt unhealthy earlier standing under the dim street light, forgot to eat again

the sinking feeling in my gut again,

you never read anything i write

i wish going to sleep could guarantee peace

not waking up every hour wondering what you did

what you do,

in your comfortable warm bed that i used to lay in with you

just two days ago i fucking laid there with you.

and now

i lay on the floor alone with only silence in my ears

because i found out.

i guess thats my sin, discovering what your all about

and now i'm being punished for what you did

i'm suffocating.

i realized before that it didn't matter anymore

if they found me weird, awkward, standoffish

walking away slowly down the hall

hands in my pockets

trying to convince them with a thin line of a smile

that i'm friendly, social, healthy, normal

while feeling like fucking death inside

i know the breaths will come

sometime stifled, killing me

my nostrils stuffed with earth

sometimes freely, positively, joyfully

they will alternate, the days beautiful mingled with ugly

peace with anxiety until i find my next high and let down

your the same person you were back then, only stronger

he said.

i tried to remember as i stumble to the bathroom to vomit

this beautiful life

it should not hail when one is trying to skate

december 31, 2009

burritos & beer in little five points with beth...

my main struggles of the evening involved deciding what to wear and trying to convince the bartender i was over 21. while i was facing these petty challenges, my sister Rachel in Orange County California was GIVING BIRTH to her second daughter! Congratulations Rachel and Shad and welcome to the world Kendyl Skye, my new years eve niece!

southern sky

sun breaking through the clouds over ATL

durty

after living in atl for more than two months, i am finally beginning to make the most of my time in the dirty south. i am ashamed that it took me this long to go to the waffle house or indulge in a bowl of grits.

san diego

took this photo from my brother in law's boat. i lived in san diego for 4 years when i was a teenager. forgot how pretty it is there.